Worry Much?

I used to worry a lot. 

It happened mostly at night, when I was still.

I was the most fretful when Chuck was away.

And I didn't just worry about Chuck's well being. 

I worried about everyone. 

Myself included. 

I tortured myself with "what if" thoughts.

My thoughts were crippling me.

At the peak of my worrying period, 

Pitterpat decided she was going to give me a lot of grief around bedtime.

I'd read stories, sing songs, and lay her down. 

Hours later she'd still be awake. HOURS.

And it wasn't just that she was awake. It was that she was awake and hollering "MAMA".

She was having "bad thoughts", needing to pee, needing water, or, most crippling of all,

asking those deep questions.

You know those questions that deal in mortality? 

Questions I did not need to be answering in my fretful mental state. 

I was at a loss. 

Alone time was scarce the moments I did have were plagued with MORE worry.

I was real angry about it all too.

The solution was out of reach for my exhausted brain.

I was over thinking it.  

Thankfully my Mom suggested a reward chart. 

So simple, yet SO helpful.

So here's what we came up with. 

 It's nothing fancy; it won't make it to pinterest, but it works for us.

Usually. 

Pitterpat helped me make it. She was pumped.

The rules are: 

Don't give me any trouble at bedtime. 

Close your eyes, be still, and breathe. 

If you do these things, come morning you will get a sticker. 

When you earn 10 stickers you will get a reward. 

I pay in stuffed animals. 

I will allow for for real nightmares but not continual "bad thoughts" since I believe we should learn from a very young age that we are in charge of our own thoughts. 

Which is the lesson in this whole blog for Mama.......

that came together for me just now. 

Wow.
I've been working on my "bad thoughts" and have been feeling better. 

It helps that Chuck is home, though, thanks to a perfectly timed sermon, a lot of prayer, and a Bible verse, I was much improved before he arrived. It is a continual process
and one that I hope will get easier with time.

Pitterpat agrees. 

Psalm 37:8

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; 

Do not fret--it only causes harm.

(It's pretty straight forward)